A dialogue about marriage – Hossam Badrawi

A dialogue
about marriage
By
Hossam Badrawi
The kind young woman said to me:
Most of my female and male friends who loved each other during university and got married did not succeed and they divorced.
I told her: My daughter, the circumstances surrounding young people during their studies with no responsibility except to study and enjoy life without responsibilities are different from the reality of practical life after graduation.
Human relations must be compatible with a new reality in which we live, new responsibilities, successes and failures that happen to everyone, the surrounding balances change, and feelings change. Therefore, it is necessary to be patient with the decision to marry after graduation and work.
Another young man said:
So, do you advise late marriage at an older age??!!
I said, every relationship has its own circumstances, and I cannot specify a specific age, but I advise you to be patient and not rush after feelings only in certain circumstances, as circumstances may change and feelings will change.
A philosophical girl, one of the dreamers, said: Like summer friends and travel friends, with the end of the summer and the trip, the friendship may not continue in the same way due to the change in life’s circumstances.
I said: Indeed
Another said: What do you advise us about marriage:
I said:
Gibran Khalil Gibran says in my own words about marriage, something I have been repeating ever since I read his great book, “The Prophet.”
If you are for each other
You were born together and you will remain together
And you will be together
When your days are scattered and difficult.
But let there be spaces between your presence together
It separates you from each other
Until the winds of the heavens dance among you.
Love each other
But do not restrict love with restrictions
Rather, let love be a rippling sea between the shores of your souls.
May each one of you fill your companion’s cup
But do not drink from one cup.
And let each of you give each other some of his loaf
But do not share one loaf
Sing and dance together and be happy,
But know
The columns of the temple stand on a separation
And the strings of the harp are tightened
And if it is hard for me to separate.
Science and quantum physics say: The basic structure of the entire universe is something smaller than everything called quarks, and it consists of filaments that dance and vibrate in different ways, thus creating matter.
In my mind, God is the maestro who makes each group of quarks vibrate differently, so matter is formed, which is an expression of energy according to the type of vibrations, as if all of life is a piece of music and the universe is a divine melody.
Likewise, our life and our relationship with our life partners, whether a spouse or a friend, is a system that requires harmony and compatibility, like a piece of music or a symphony of life, written by two people, and played together, avoiding dissonance and striving to advance it in order to build a family together.
The realistic young man said:
Isn’t marriage a deal like all deals through which we achieve a goal?
I said :
Marriage is not just a contract nor is it a deal.
Marriage is a moral obligation between a man and a woman who seek to make each other happy and build a family.
Marriage is a declaration between people of a commitment between two people who share love, friendship and respect.
If a person enters into marriage with the aim of making profit and achieving goals, then it is a marriage whose end is inevitable.
Another young woman said:
And what about separation and divorce:
I said:
If one party seeks divorce without a serious attempt at reconciliation, he is wrong. Do not propose to marriage unless there is love, friendship, affection and respect between you, otherwise the commitment will fall and disappear at the first challenge.
If you decide not to complete the commitment due to your failure to create a life together, then separate without resentment or hatred.
Once again, marriage is not just a contract and a deal
We make profit from it. Let us meet with love and part with affection.
A young woman who travels a lot said:
When I get married, I will get married in England or America, where the law gives me the right to half of my husband’s wealth upon divorce.
I said: So you did not hear me. If the goal of marriage is to gain benefit, its end will be harm to both of you.
Because by seeking a selfish benefit upon separation, you give the other party the right to harm you, and even in the materialistic Western world, the benefits accrue to law firms and not to the spouses.
Let them marry honourably and separate honourably.
An educated young man said: When there is disagreement, things become complicated, Doctor, and these values disappear.
I said: Make sure, my children, that the right is neither in Western nor local law. The right remains a right in all circumstances. People’s natures appear at the time of disagreement, so do not rush to cause harm, but rather strive to achieve separation with moral sophistication, patience, and tolerance. If there are no children between you, let your separation be without harm or benefit.
A young woman speaking of divorce said:
My ex-husband has singled me out and made me give up all my rights, including a child from him, in order to get a divorce. Is this pleasing to God, or is it just because I live in Egypt?
I said to her: No, if you get married according to the Sunnah of God and His Messenger, God will not be pleased with you not being able to provide for your children and care for them in Egypt or elsewhere. Nor will God be pleased with your wife being robbed of half of her ex-husband’s property if you are in the West, as your colleague says, if she is not his partner in bringing them.
A sensible young man said: One last piece of advice, Doctor, about happiness in life. Let us end our conversation on a positive note, as usual.
I said:
Happiness is a positive decision, and it has components that, if we do not seek it, we may not find it. It is true that some people, including me, have genes ready for joy, and they see the best in people, and in the events around them, the most beautiful in them. But if a person is not seeking joy and seeking happiness, days may pass and he does not see it because he is not looking for it.
The collective mind of the family and society may create positive energy and vice versa. This collective mind is driven by society’s culture, society’s leaders, its media, and its arts. Emotional preparation for it begins from childhood, at home, school, and university, in the club and the square, in houses of prayer…mosques, churches, and temples…
Life is a blessing from the Creator, and joy in it is thanks to God, and we must yearn for it and savor it. It is a right of every one of you, so strive for it, make it a goal in your relationships, and transfer its positive energy to your children.